time and tide and blah

Let's try a serious, contemplative post (yeah right! as if this blog has been a slice of sunshine and humour before this. or alive) If the ending of a seriously complicated, mostly not-working relationship can cause this much damage, how do people who were previously in blissful, fulfilling relationships ever manage to go around in one piece if it ends? Admittedly I'm finding the going hard because of lack of sufficient support (Can't confide in family, best friends a long distance off, present company of no use). Even apart from the issue of support, how do you fill the yawning hole in you that just won't be filled by food/fun/friends/work?




You know how time changes you? It brings about acceptance (if you're not foolish enough to hang on), it brings about resignation. "Yeah, life sucks, it feels empty, nothing works, you're sad, but that's how it's gonna be for a while. But get through it", it says. Only about every couple of weeks I come back to square one (restlessness, depression, desperation - played out ad nauseum). And have to start all over again.



There's a lingering sadness when you realize that it can never be what it once was, that it has all changed irrevocably. No matter how problematic it was, it was once your dream, your life, your everything. Loss of faith in something you belived in makes you unbelievably cynical.