Heartbreak

I'm tired. Tired of being depressed, of willing the phone to ring, staring obssessively at it. Most of all I'm tired of the wondering. Wondering why, wondering what he's doing, wondering how it is possible for him to not call, wondering if i'm really this meaningless to him. Two years seem so utterly meaningless now, everything seems false, the emptiness has to be felt to be believed. Is this me? Did I really make another person my world that the whole world now seems meaningless? The tears flow endlessly, all day. I look around me and a hundred things remind me of him: a gift, a TV commercial, a song. How do I escape this: his pervasiveness? It's suffocating me.